What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw? A chain saw has a dynamic range.

What do you call one-hundred banjos at the boittom of the ocean?
A good start !

What do you call twenty-five banjos up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand !

How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? Five: One to change it and four to complain that it's electric.

Can a banjo player change a light bulb? No, but hum a few bars and he'll fake it.

How can you tell if the stage is level? When the banjo player drools out of both sides of his mouth.

Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players? It saves time in the long run.

What is the definition of perfect pitch? Throwing a banjo into the toilet without hitting the seat.

How is playing the banjo a lot like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Why did the banjo player leave his capo on the dashboard? So he could park in the handicap zone.

Listener: "Can you read music?" Banjo player: "Not enough to hurt my playing."

A man with a crocodile on a leash walked into a bar and asked the barman, "Do you serve banjo players here?" "Sure do," replied the barman. "Good," said the man, "Give me a beer, and I'll have a banjo player for my crocodile."

During a gig banjo players spend half the time tuning the banjo and the other half playing out of tune.

Why do they bury banjo players 20 feet deep? Because they really are good people deep down.

How many banjo jokes are there? Only two or three, the rest are true stories.

How do you keep a banjo player from drowning in 12 inches of water? Take your foot off his head.

Banjo players beware! I hear that some jazz festivals are starting to employ the Banjo Police. They issue banjo speeding tickets.

What is the definition of a minor second? Two banjo players playing the same note.

How many banjo players does it take to chanage a flat tire? Four. One to change the tire and three to complain that this isn't the way Scruggs' would have done it!

What’s the least used sentence in the english language? Is that the banjo players Porshe?

Why are banjo players a fiddle players best friend? Because without them the fiddle player would be the most hated instrument in the band.

Mark Twain's definition of a gentleman: a man that can play the banjo and don't.

How many Banjokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories…

What is the range of a banjo? About 10 metres if you throw it hard enough.

A guy goes through customs with a banjo case. The inspector nervously asks the man to set the case on the table. Sweating, the inspector uses a long pole to slowly open the case. He gives a sigh of relief when he finds a machine gun and miscellaneous explosives. "OK, pass. For a minute there I thought you had a banjo."

Pointers to playing the banjo... The most common mistake of the beginning banjo player is to play too gently. True, musical instruments require great care and special handling, but banjos should not be confused with those.

A dignified stage presence will do more than anything else to create the impression you are a serious, professional musician. This is to be avoided at all costs - you have a reputation to maintain after all! While playing on stage, you should (1) slouch, (2) drool, (3) pick nose, (4) bump the bass player with the banjo neck, (5) cross eyes, (6) spill beer, (7) stare off into space. The more of these you can do simultaneously, the better.

Musicians make a big deal about "getting in tune." Fortunately, you're a banjo player, and therefore need not be so hung up. There are three basic ways to tune a banjo: (1) With a tuning fork. Tap the fork on a hard surface. Listen to the clear bell-like tone. Make sure none of your strings duplicate this tone. (2) With an electronic tuner. Tap the tuner on a hard surface. Continue as for (1). (3) With a clarinet. Tap the clarinet on a hard surface. Continue as for (1).

Banjo paraphernalia: A capo allows the banjo player, once out of tune in one key, to quickly be out of tune in any other key.

A case is important since not only does it give you somewhere to put all your festival stickers, it protects your banjo from abuse, except when it is being played.

A strap is a definite no no - you might be expected to play standing up.

A band playing at a jazz festival gets arrested for playing too sleazy. The judge sentences the band members to death. At dawn the next morning they are lined up against a wall facing the firing squad. "Ready, Aim, ..." "Earthquake!" yells the trumpet player which distracts the guards long enough so he can jump over the wall to freedom. "Ready, Aim, ..." "Flood!" yells the bass player who jumps over the wall to freedom. ...The banjo player is now starting to catch on. "Ready, Aim, ..." "Fire!" yells the banjo player.

What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise!"What’s the difference between a banjo and a trampoline? Most people take their shoes off when they jump on a trampoline.

A breaking news story: Terrorists have hijacked a bus full of banjo players, on their way to a Banjo Convention. They will release one banjo player an hour until their demands are met.